Twelve

January, 28th: Dude, where's my car

At a first glance it looked like a cruel practical joke. Then you discover it's just cruel. A hot meal at a friend’s was all I needed that day

February, 2nd: Too old for this shit

Back to school; but this time without the home made sandwiches my mom used to prepare

March, 17th: Ma 3alena...

A fast speaker interrupting conversations left and right.

The socially awkward geek strikes again. One is truly his own worst enemy, isn't he?

April, 15th: Socra...WHAT?!!!

My loving caring humble nature finally took over, it lead me to say the five words every geek says at a point of time “I should write a blog”. In doing so, I surpassed one of the greatest human beings who ever lived; while Socrates didn't write about his life and we only know about him through the writings of his disciple Plato, I decided to honor my contemporaries by writing about myself first hand.

May, 22nd: What a ride...

A miraculous train ride on my mother's patron saint day.

June, 7th: Little pieces of heaven

Accelerating heart beats, dilated eye pupils and rising anxiety aided by losing the ability to breath. That's when a man lets go and indulges in the softness of the creamy frosting.

Oh carrot cake, I love you so...

July, 12th:

"If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast"

Soothing introductions under gunfire.

August, 14th: That was scary...

Trapped in a car with a friend

One of the most memorable days in Egypt's recent history

6th of October bridge is under attack

September, 1st: Are these apricots?

Funny how a day starting with no water supply and a lousy plumber might lead to a profound life altering revelation. With a sparkle in my eyes I extend my shaking fingers to the box;

"Can it be?" my heart asks.

"Yes it can" my expert tongue replies.

1st of September; the day I ushered in the age of apricot cookies

October, 6th: A victory march

Pink ribbons and omelettes to celebrate the holiday, what a day!

November, 14th: El 7al Romansy

"I'm so freaking old" another revelation strikes during a Mashroo3 Layla concert

December, 21st: A tale of two flowers

Do you know that the Pharaohs used the blue lotus rather than the white ones?

What a way to end a month of excruciating pain, public mockery and escalating crescendos on a high note :D

"Ana Kameel"

"You should write a post entitled 'Ana Kameel'"; she said. So here it goes...

In case you don't speak Arabic, "Ana" means "I" as in "I am"; "kameel" is a modification on the original Arabic word "gameel" which covers a wide variety of meanings in the English language starting from beautiful, pretty, lovely and nice to fair (that's Google translate BTW). Replacing the "g" with a "k" is often associated with talking to kids and can be used interchangeably with "kameela" which is the feminine form of it. Without further ado; here it goes.

Thinking of stuff where I'm "kameel" was a bit tough, of course I am awesome in so many different ways; some of my friends even call me "the great". But taking time to reflect on the cherry on top of the cream frosting on top of the cake that is my awesome existence that has privileged the human race thirty one years ago is nothing I ever really did before. In doing so, I surpass one of the greatest human beings who ever lived; while Socrates didn't write about his life and we only know about him through the writings of his disciple Plato, I am going to honor my contemporaries by writing about myself first hand. That's how caring I am. I am going to narrow it to three main aspects (always leave them wanting more, right?) and I will try to give examples as I go; after all it's not easy to grasp the humbling human experience of being in my presence without examples.

Geek!

Asked to give a presentation in business class to demonstrate my presentation skills, I chose to do it about Batman’s management style. Illustrations included pictures of the justice league of America, the bat belt, a blue print of the batmobile and reference quotes from "The Dark Knight" movie. If that wasn't geeky enough, let me tell you that I was really upset going into this presentation as I lost a Batman tshirt, which I was intending to wear that day, to a coffee spillage. And BTW I have tshirts with Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse, Uncle Scrooge, Thor and Super Man on them. If that still isn't geeky enough, debating the statistical multiplexing in DSLAM (if you don't know what this is, it's OK; you are perfectly normal) on a first date will deliver a clearer message. And the fact that I understand all Howard Wolowitz's pick up lines (come on it's time to go watch the big bang theory already) will definitely prove my point!

Socially Awkward; who? me?

I won't say a lot, but my life actually tangles between two states of mind;

·         "The awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people actually think you are stupid"

·         "When your sarcasm is so far advanced, people think you're being polite"

 Romancing their socks off

Look out Brad Pitt (I believe the ladies nowadays might consider Ryan Gosling hotter); your days in charming women are over. Armed with a fat belly that is starting to protrude out of every tshirt I own (my mother shrinks them every time she washes them; good job mom), killer cat like eyes surrounded by black circles, a vintage hair style that goes back to the seventies a white haired beard that grows in every possible direction; I am a proven weapon of seduction guaranteed to drive the ladies crazy. What can I say; I'm sexy and I know it. But it doesn't stop at my staggering good looks; when it comes to flirting, I have the most effective weapon of them all; a honey dripping tongue that is guaranteed to paralyze any female with a selection of highly effective wide variety of love inflaming darts. I don't mean to brag; but very few can master the art of flirting with selected quotes ranging from "No; you are not the prettiest" to "yes you have gained weight and need to exercise" not to mention classics like "are you gonna eat that or shall I help myself?", "Stop whining and get down to business" and "No you are not stupid, you are just not that smart". Lock your girls papas and mamas; there's a new charmer in town ;) 

So, to that crazy special girl, the one who always listens to whatever blah blah I say, but still asked me to write "Ana Kameel"; the one who apparently sees something special underneath all this weirdness (I don't really believe weirdness is a real word btw)

I love you

The Lepers Are Cleansed

In the first row; she sat
In front of a crucifix; she sat
In a green shirt; she sat
A ring on her finger; she wept
With bitterness in her words; she talked
"Oh lord, please guide him home"; she prayed
"Amen"; they replied

By a tomb; she stood
In a black dress; she stood
Carrying a basket of bread; she stood
With weary eyes; she smiled
With a weak voice; she spoke
In his memory; she gave
"May he rest in peace"; they said

Late for his work; He ran
With a dancing belly; He ran
After a bus; He ran
As hard as he could; he waved
In a desperate attempt; he jumped
Spotting a metal bar; he grabbed
"Welcome aboard"; they laughed

In the sluttiest dress; she walked
In the highest heels; she walked
Bending with the wind; she walked
Against his car; she leaned
As lustful as can be; she charmed
"Wanna have a good time?"; she asked
"Who doesn't?"; he said

Trapped in a little ease; he knelt
Naked in the mirror; he knelt
Tormented by his past; he knelt
Haunted by nightmares; he slept
Infested with despair; he cried
Self flagellating himself; he groaned
Unaware of the truth; they cheered

Beside his bed; she waited
Hoping for a miracle; she waited
Holding a rosary; she waited
Towards the sky; she gazed
With tenderness in her voice; she sang
"Let there be life"; she prayed
"Only the good die young"; they wondered

Lazarus

Hello; anybody there? I'm freezing out here; please sir let me in. I won't take much space, and I won't make any noise. I'll sneak into your basement undetected; I know a man of your stature cannot be associated with a low life like me. I'll eat whatever leftovers you put on my plate, I won't even ask to sit on a table.

You know dear sir, sometimes I envy camels; many say camels store food for the time of need. If I could do that, I wouldn't be starving to death here begging for the crumbs falling off your table. Don't get me wrong, I would be grateful if you grant me those out of the kindness of your heart. Oh sir; if it wasn't for my misfortune I wouldn't have bothered you with my miserable existence. And if I could make it through the night on my own I wouldn't have interrupted that lovely banquet of yours. Please sir open the door, I see their teeth as they approach to devour my flesh.

Don't worry master; I won't burden you in any way. I'll abide by your rules, execute your decisions and follow you as your shadow. I'll do all your shores, I can clean, cook, drive, baby sit, and I can even pretend to do it gladly. I'll do it all for a shelter and a meal. Unlike your other servants, I won't gossip your secrets. Some of them would argue they are honest and their morals would prevent them from doing so, others might argue that they will bear no benefit from betraying your trust. I can assure you that they are lying. They all have ambition, they all look for a better pay, a better job, or even a couple of extra hours of rest. Everybody is corruptible dear sir, sooner of later their ambition will tip the scale; or do you really think Judas did it for the silver. I, on the other hand, won't betray you; not out of loyalty, honesty, integrity or any of these glittery concepts that can't feed a hungry mouth. It's out of indifference I won't betray you. I couldn't care less about what you do or don't do, who you judge or who you kill, who you feed or from whose mouth you fill your plates. One without ambition like myself uses whatever available to keep on living. I don't care for your mansions, fleet of sports cars. I don't aspire to your undisputed success or unsurpassed fame; at least not anymore. All there is life, I live one way I'll live another way; it makes no difference now.

Believe it or not, I wasn't always like this. I used to belong to a  majestic dynasty. I used to have friends; no, they were more like siblings. But those days are long gone now. The days when I used to fight for honor, human dignity and equality. Oh, the equality. You know sir, the guy who said all men were born equal is a scoundrel. But I don't blame him, I blame the idiots who still believe him, those idiots who see their hopes disappear into thin air day in and day out. They still argue "if others can do it, I can do it". You know dear sir, equality for humans is a very dangerous concept. It's a dream that always eludes them. I think it even defies their basic instinctive nature developed through the course of their evolution. You find no roots for it in the animal kingdom. Have you ever seen an alpha male in a pride of lions? it's the strongest, most glorious beast in the wilderness. It leads hunts, It occupies the front line in the defense against threats and it gets to father the cubs. The other males in the pride are subordinates, they know their roles and just accept them, that's the way it is. Humans on the other hand refuse to acknowledge this; they claim all are born equal and all have the same rights. In reality the weak are just claiming so to level the ground with the strong, it's just a game they keep until the tide is in their favor. Do you know dear sir why do people die in wars? and why do women, children and the seniors are the first to perish in a conflict? It's because all these equality claims are pure nonsense. Deep inside, the same alpha male animalistic desire to dominate still prevails. I'm sure you know that esteemed one, after all you're on the top of the food chain. And I too know my place, I woke up to that shocking truth one cloudy morning, since then I make no such foolish claims of equality. I tell you there is no greater agony than to feel that you're just another grain of sand on an endless beach. I'll stand in your shadows respected one if you decide to open the door.

The night is getting darker and the rain has reached my neck. Don't open the door, it makes no difference now. And in the morning, when the crowd is gone, don't try to remember me. In the midst of your prayers, don't bother saying my name; don't label me the unfortunate or the one in need. Remember that I came knocking on your door, I was your chance for salvation. Remember that I came begging your mercy, that through me you could have practiced what you preach. Remember that you sent me away hungry and naked. I'll go now; I'll go and leave you to your banquet. Go now and talk to your friends of those poor who make it everyday and how the others who don't are weak. Get back to your charity fund raising rituals; and remember to hide behind your self righteous persona while asking the hungry bellies for virtue. I'll walk now; I'll walk and never look back. I'll take my chances with the creatures of the night, maybe they would finally accomplish what I should have done on the day I lost the ability to self deceive. I'll go now, and if in the morning the same body that wasn't good enough to sleep on your floor is found torn into pieces, I want you to live with it.

The Holy Grail

" He chose...poorly" These were all the words the crusader could summon after seeing Donovan (the bad guy) turn to dust in the matter of seconds after taking a sip from the wrong cup. And then it was the climax of the movie; after escaping the Nazis, beating traps, taking a leap of faith and even watching his nemesis reduced to ashes; it was Indy's time to choose a holy grail. For those who don't know by now what I'm talking about, this is the ending sequence of one of my favorite movies, "Indiana Jones and the last crusade", the third installment in the series of Indiana Jones movies directed by Steven Spielberg in the year 1989 .

Earlier in the movie; Indy embarks on a mission to free his father Henry Jones Sr. (played by the brilliant Sean Connery) from the grasp of the Nazis who captured him hoping he would lead them to the temple of the sun where the grail was believed to be hidden. A cup that one day held the blood of Jesus Christ during the last supper; an object so sacred that should not have been forgotten was thought to be lost forever, at least till Henry discovered its location! Indy finds himself in front of a multitude of "grails" of all shapes and sizes, some made of gold, some decorated with gems, but only one belonged to the messiah. The stakes couldn't have gone higher; choosing a wrong cup didn't only mean he would lose his life; his father was now mortally wounded by the Nazis and his life rested on the supernatural healing powers of the holy grail. Sitting on the edge of my seat with an adrenalin rush similar to the one I had while facing the final boss of the first Quake video game, I watched as Indy started inspecting different cups before grabbing a rusty little cup while uttering the words "That's the cup of a carpenter". A sip from the cup accompanied by a statement from the 700 years guardian "You have chosen wisely" were enough to ease the suspense for a moment.

It might have been twenty years or so since I first saw this movie, but I remember being fascinated by the statement "That's the cup of a carpenter". It didn't have to be the largest or the prettiest, it didn't need to be golden, it didn't need gems. A rather humble cup of a rather humble man, but in its humility life resides. I can go on and on with the cheesy talk and make all kinds of analogies and place all kinds of judgment; but in reality the message couldn't have been simpler, choose your grail poorly and your life will end; choose it wisely and you are rewarded with eternal life.

P

I'm here; I'm always here
I don't sleep; I can't sleep
I hear them; I always do
I don't talk much; they don't listen anyway
I always see; but never judge

I'm a gentle whisper within a thunderstorms
I'm an ancient idea a newborn forgets at birth
I'm the ultimate truth on the caves of their minds
I'm a sacred script collecting dust on a stand
I'm the inner light of a psychopath

I officiate their ceremonies and conduct their rituals. 
I erase their ignorance and baptize their thoughts
I indulge their weakness and forgive their arrogance.
I hear their confessions and absolve their sins.
I heal their wounds and cure their sickness.

I'm a father of many prodigal sons.

ليه يا بنفسج

"اﻷشعة البنغسجية"

أوبااااا؛ طب ما كان من بدري. كنت دايماً بستعرب ليه مازنجر بيستني للأخر عشان يستخدم اﻷشعة البنفسجية ويخلص.

كبرت شوية و في حصص الرسم كنت أخلط أحمر علي أزرق في البتاعة البلاستيك البيضة يطلع بنفسجي. ماكنتش بفهم ده أحمر مزرق ولا أزرق محمر. و حتي لما ابتديت أقرا فلسفة - اللي أمي بتقول انها لحست دماغي - الحكاية وسعت مني حبتين. كنت دايماً بقف قدام اللون ده زهلول. مزيج غريب بين نقاء الأزرق و توهج اﻷحمر، رقي الروح و شهوة الجسد، هدوء النبع و انفجار البركان، ضحكة بت مكسوفة و ابتسامة أرملة بعد بكا سنين. مش غريبة أنه آخر تردد تقدر عين بشرية تشوفه.

أنا واحد من الناس قدرتي علي تمييز اﻷلوان ماتزيدش كتير عن قدرتي علي تسريح شعر أسماك التونة أو تدريب أنثي الدب القطبي علي الرقص. عمري مافهمت ألوان من نوعية الليلا و البيستاش و السيمون و لحم الهوانم؛ و ممكن حتي عيل في خامسة ابتدائي يقنعني أن المحمحي أو البحلقي ألوان حقيقية. اشمعنا اللون ده يعني اللي فارق؟ مش عارف. مبهج منين ماشوفه؛ شريط في شعر أمورة، جناح فراشة هربانة من الجنة، أو حتي قميص راجل متصابي متعلق بالحياة بشعرة. كل مرة بشوفة بتفائل، و عمره ما خيب ظني

و علي رأي العم بيرم:

ليه يا بنفسج * بِتِبهِج * وانت زهر حزين

والعين تتابعك * وطبعك * محتشم ورزين

ملفوف وزاهي * يا ساهي * لم تبوح للعين

بكلمة منك * كإنَّك * سِرّ بين اتنين

حسنك بكونك * بِلونك * تِبهج المقهور

واللي يزوره * سميره * في الظلام مستور

حطوك خميلة * جميلة * فوق صدور الغيد

تسمع وتسرق * يا أزرق * همسة التنهيد

اسمع وقولي * مين اللي * قال معايا آه

بقولها وحدي * لوحدي * والأسى هواه

The Fiddler Within

"Did she feel that?" I wondered

"Of course she did you idiot, she's resting right there on your neck"

I started to panic

My heart keeps pounding the exact same way every time I remember this very first time with her. There's no way she would have missed it.

I remember our first encounter; a friend introduced me to her. One glance was all I needed to know she's special. One glance and I was hooked. My fingers trembled as I touched her for the very first time. I was lucky I had a cover for the heavy breathing and the sweat pouring from my head, it was a hot summer day after all. I couldn't help but move my hand over that full sized hour glass figure of hers. Every tiny curve, that long neck and the longer hair. And her voice; oh, that voice. Her voice drove me crazy every time. Whether it's an enchanting playful note or a hauntingly beautiful low tone, I just fell for it.

Every time I touched one of those ebony keys of hers was like touching one of St. Peter's keys. I thought I held the keys to her heart. I thought I was playing the tune of life, I thought I was strumming the strings of existence, when in reality she was the one seducing me. Like an archer escaping from Greek mythology, a bow was her weapon of choice; and it took just an arrow to domesticate that raging bull. I stole every moment to be with her; just the two of us. I would return right after school to find her waiting for me, in that secluded room.

Then came that double date, the eye opener. I knew at that moment I had to leave her; not because I stopped loving her, I never stopped loving here. I just wasn't good enough for her. I didn't deserve her. I didn't know how to honor here in front of people. Nobody wanted to listen to her when she was with me. She deserved better.

I still do cherish those moments, every single one of them. I still remember her voice. I will never forget her.

The Friendzone

I hate romantic comedies, I do. I hate them. Simply hate them. One last time: I HATE THEM

The story lines are so boring. One of them gets attracted to the other who is way out of their league, a complication in between followed by a happily ever after. Some other "creative" plots have the girl (or the guy), falling to the second guy (or girl) who has been secretly in love with her (him) for the whole time, DAH.

Most of them feature second rate talents like Jenifer Aniston (yes she is a lousy actress and her broad jaws just creep me out) and the super cheesy guy Matthew Mcconaughey (the guy has just one expression on his face the whole time; I had to google his name to get the spelling right!).

But mostly I hate them cause they are cruel. They give innocent people false hopes that they can land the partner of their dreams if they just be them selves while that significant other has no freaking clue that these people exist in the first place. While few are lucky to land their dream lovers, many end up crushed and dwell forever in the Friendzone where an incredibly decent human being has the romantic equivalence of a door knob or a tea cup.

This post is a tribute to all the decent human beings who got stuck in the freaking zone. Incredibly decent, sweet, kind, good looking and sophisticated people who ended up with "ooooh, that's sweet", "I don't see a future", "I feel no chemistry", "You're someone great", "It's not you, it's me", "It's not me, it's you", "I like you as a friend", "I don't like you that way", "I don't like you", "Go Away", "I'll call the cops", "DAAAAAD", or even got a could shoulder and had their wings burned before they can even try to spread them. I can't use actual names, so I'm gonna stick to fictional characters.

First: The guys who didn't make it out of the zone

3) Sydney Carton

"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known." - Sydney Carton's last words

I know, I know; I'm evil. How do I dare to include someone as Sydney Carton in such a list. As a matter of fact, he is one of my all time heroes. I cried the first time I read the ending of " A Tale Of Two Cities" (Yes, guys cry too, judge me, big deal). But think about it, the guy was so friendzoned that he ended up giving his life to save the life of his loved one's lover (it's even weird to write the sentence). While his intentions remain noble and his self sacrifice is an exemplar of a salvific act, he remains one of the zone's pillars.

2) Bane

Yeah he's a super villain and all, yes he lost his face and put his life on the line repeatedly to accomplish her devilish revenge plot. But he was stuck in the zone while she willingly slept with his arch-nemesis (Bruce Wayne), just to progress with her plans. Sorry bro

1) Batman

Yes, Batman, the Dark Knight himself, probably the awesomest most coolest character to exist in fiction (ore reality) got friendzoned. It's true he didn't know about it cause Alfred concealed it, yet the fact that Rachel chose Harvey Dent over him (whatever the reasons are) will always be there

Now for the interesting part, to those who made it out of the zone against all odds. To the hale of fame.

3) Leonard Hofstadter (The Big Bang Theory - TV Show)

It was when the super hot penny moved across the hall from a bunch of super smart geeks that Leonard Hofstader made his famous statement "our kids will be smart and beautiful". After an on and off relationship during which he managed to take her on a date she didn't even know was one, Googled himself into her pants and got left high and dry humiliated in front of his nerd friends; the homunculus genius with extreme mommy issues (show fans will relate) managed to finally land his dream girl. Way to go nerdamigo

2) Dr Niles Crane (Frasier - TV Show)

The super sophisticated doctor finally stole his dream girl from the alter after he failed two of his marriages and an eight year single sided love affair. Talk about perseverance   

1) Chandler Bing (Friends - TV Show)

My favorite TV character of all time. A sarcastic self conscious freak who uses sarcasm as a defense mechanism. A bottle of booze and a sad trip to London proved to be the perfect formula to win the perfect girl who lived just across the hall for so long (I'm starting to believe that living across the hall from hot girls is the real thing here)

In a surprising turn of events what started like an unusual comedy blog (at least that's how I intended it to be) has turned into a super girly one.

Gardel Birel we7yat abook yabny :D

The Duel

P: I see you have finally come to your senses.
G: Indeed master
P: Ha, it's been some time. I expected you to come sooner. Are you OK?
S: Well well well; the return of the prodigal son, just like old times.
P: give him a break.
S: why are you defending him old man?
P: he's a great guy.
S: he's a great fool.
G: I'm sorry I dragged you into this
S: shut up now; your turn will come
P: show some compassion.
S: do you think I like this?
P: I know you don't; none of us do.
S: I bet he'll tell about what's happening here. And then he'll leave us to face the music.
P: maybe he's a bit impulsive but he's kind; you know that
S: he's obnoxious, he's insufferable, he's anhedonic, but now I'll add naive to the list.
G: I'm sorry brother...
S: I said shut up
P: at least listen to what he has to say
G: I don't have anything to say, I just needed some company
S: super, and now he's crying
G: why are you so mean?

S: Did I hurt your feelings princess. Where do I begin, where do I begin
You challenge when all they need is an answer
You go too deep when a superficial compliment will do
Your train of thought is too complex even for you to follow
You launch full scale military campaigns to chase butterflies

You get carried away in your own crusades, test the water with both feet and build your castles on the sand
You are too sensitive, maybe to sweet when in reality the kingdom is taken by force and the bad boy ends up nailing the chick
You go all the way, yet you are content with the peanuts thrown at you

Even when you end up writing about this "big drama" of yours - and I know you will - you will over do it. Whoever reads it - whoever this miserable wacko might be - will think, that's a really messed up dude.

G: when did you become so indifferent? Why are you so bitter?

S: Is this how you see it? Indifferent? Bitter? Or are you delusional?

You think you can hide an extremely self conscious naive kid behind a bunch of worn out sarcastic defense mechanisms in a world swamped with mind games

You think you can sneak like a thief in the night when all people want is a grand finale

You think if you really want something you'll find a way to do it; when in reality it's all about walking the existing ways.
You think you can find a banquet where there is only a courtyard.

You think people want freedom when only security will suffice.

You think that you can rebel against stupid norms, but soon enough you'll hear the sound of your bones being crushed under the tradition war machines as they march.

You think people are different, when in reality they are just different from you

P: ENOUGH

S: Do you think it's easy for me? being dumped eternally in the same shit hole with this loser
P: you are killing him
S: do you think I like it? don't you see me bleeding?
P: you are killing us
S: he is killing us
P: don't you get it? We are nothing without him. We will cease to exist once he's gone

G: I'm sorry for your pain...

S: see, case in point. Man up, grow a pair. Get out, go lick your wounds somewhere else.

P: you were too harsh, nothing happened after all

S: He'll get over it, he's a big boy

P: You didn't have to go so far?

S: "Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal". He's one of those people.

P: You're pushing it way too far

S: You know what's interesting about this sucker?

P: That he learns

S: That he doesn't regret

Have faith old man, he'll not go back to his same idiotic ways.

Sooner than you can imagine, he'll invent new ones...

The Man Who Sold The World

"Moemen, stay with me" I shouted as I slapped him across the face

He opened his eyes momentarily; he was surprisingly heavy for a guy of his build. Luckily for us we didn't have to hold him for long though. The restroom was just across the hall, but that nasty step at the end almost got us.

The waiter helped forced his head under a stream of cold water. Mighty shivers swept his tense body as he began to throw up. Apparently the lemon infused double espresso Rafik ordered for him was kicking in.

***

"I just can't catch a break, can I?"

She watched as I stormed out of the house. She didn't really know what's gotten into me. I didn't know either, was it the aftermath of a heated work disputes, a dead end job or was it just the fact that I was forced to roam the streets in search for a place with a decent Internet connection to attend a couple of meetings on a weekend after the cleaning lady sabotaged the main Internet feed. With my first meeting in half an hour, I had to find a place fast. I ended up in one of those cafes overlooking the beautiful Alexandrian sea. The place was relatively crowded given the religious nature of Egyptians in Ramadan. I had to stick by a really uncomfortable table; it was the only available one next to power socket. I ordered my regular double espresso.

***

"What’s that, a class attendance?” laughed Bahia mockingly as a laughing frenzy swept her table.

I continued to read the names from Moemen's contact list one by one in a slow loud voice in a desperate attempt to find someone to take him home. An occasional slap every couple of minutes helped keep him awake. He kept on repeating the name of one of his friends that wasn't there, as a matter of fact no one was there but Rafik and I; two perfect strangers.

"Leave the poor sucker die, why do you care anyway?" said Bahia as she made her second appearance.

I couldn't help but look and there she was sitting among her company like a queen bee; a morbidly obese girl in her early twenties blowing the smoke of her cigarette. Her pink veil, a floral blouse and a large golden belt showed that she lacked class but not the purchasing power. It took massive loads of makeup to hide what appeared like traces of facial hair. She addressed me in an angry tone. “What are y u looking at?"

***

 

***

I can't believe it didn't cross my mind, how didn't I think of calling myself from his phone to save his number? Maybe I was distracted by a man dying in front of me. Whether I was more confused by his trial to exile himself to the land of the dead or by his disappointment at his failure to do so still evades me. Was she worth it? Is she the one pictured with him on his phone's background or was there another? He was a young, strong, educated fellow; did he lose even the ability to self deceive himself into living? Or maybe i was astounded by Bahia's indifference to the feeble human spark about to be extinguished in front of her very eyes. Her laughs were nothing but a cry for help against a society that stereotypes as fat or ugly. Maybe she saw in him what she was afraid to do herself

***

I watched as he struggled to keep his balance as he left the cafe. He refused to let me drive him home. As I left I saw Rafik getting a chocolate flavored cigarette from Bahia. I never saw any of them again.

Dancing My Way Through

It was past midnight and I'm sure I wasn't fully awake when a good friend of mine sent me the above picture. At first it was just another battle of the sexes stereotype. Women seek a better understanding of men's inner dialectics, while men just lust after women's bodies. The first part of such statement is confirmed by lots of great ladies I know who consider smart as the new sexy (They, however fail to explain why they drop jaws for Turkish actors or any other guy who fits that bill). Men on the other hand are accused of following their libidos, the guy is starting the puzzle at the boobs after all. It was the pure versus the lustful, the emotional against the analytical. Whatever stereotype works for you, you're gonna find it if you look hard enough.

The puzzle selection for both couldn't have been better. A man is a cross words. A puzzle - however hard it might be - is still beatable after all. It is limited in size, it depends mainly on the previous knowledge of the one attempting to solve it and the more one uncovers the easier it gets. It is also fully presented as one piece at the beginning. Men on the other hand will have to connect the dots, a puzzle which can be virtually unbeatable, for all you know, the exact number of dots is not known at the beginning and no one can guarantee he has really reached the last one (I personally believe they are infinite), one can never actually see all the dots at once and he has to search for them. No previous knowledge can help at all. And even in our case where the dots are numbered the poor fellow is starting at the wrong side, tell me about real life where no one knows if he has really got the right pattern.

A final glance sent me to a dreamy wonderland. I noticed the pencils - they have little erasers at the end - being held in their left hands. A hand - for the majority - controlled by the emotional creative intuitive right side of the brain. Maybe, I've gone soft, or maybe I'm just a romantic idiot (I really doubt that), but these two are not attempting to solve a puzzle or cross a maze but rather dance their way through it...